When women in positions of power hold other women back, the effects can be detrimental

Women fill a lot of important roles in the workplace for other women.  They’re fellow feminists battling the patriarchy within the company, they’re allies who understand each other’s grievances and support one another, and they’re even mentors or sponsors who can help women ascend the ranks.  But all too often, the promise of partnership gives way to a darker reality.

Take my experience, for example.  I was excited about my boss, another Black woman like myself.  I saw her as someone I could potentially bond with, someone who would understand me because she shared the same lived experience.  But this wasn’t the case.  She was openly hostile to other Black employees, firing many without cause and punishing the ones who remained.  In one instance, one of my new hires made a mistake – nothing earth-shattering but bad enough to catch her attention.

Because of this employee’s misstep, she told me I was a letdown not just to her, but to the entire organization and all Black people.  The situation spiraled out of control quickly.  The higher-ups asked me to make a public apology to everyone in the organization.  I refused; instead, I took full responsibility for what had happened under my watch.  But accountability and ownership weren’t enough.  My boss wanted complete humiliation.  Under her direction, someone filed a whistleblower complaint against me, she reported me to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC), and she shared all of this with my incoming boss before I even had a chance to make a first impression.  To top it all off, the drama unfolded on a day that I was due to receive an award from the city for my work.

I’d mistakenly thought I had an ally in my boss, but she proved to be my worst enemy.  And sadly, this experience isn’t unique to me.  Professional women at all stages of their careers fall victim to the cruelty of other women.  This shouldn’t be the case – if we women are to continue making progress in the workplace, we must lift each other up instead of tearing one another down.

Understanding Queen Bee Syndrome

The behavior that I and so many other women have witnessed has a name – Queen Bee Syndrome.  This syndrome occurs when women in positions of power, usually in male-dominated workplaces, treat female direct reports more critically and harshly than men on the same team.

This might sound like a trope.  We can all think of the caricature of a ruthless, career-driven woman who will stop at nothing to succeed.  Think of the fictional Miranda Priestly from the hit film The Devil Wears Prada, or in real life, former UK Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, who was criticized for not advancing the careers of women.  But the Queen Bee doesn’t just reside onscreen or in the upper reaches of national politics – women are constantly bullied by Queen Bees at work.

A 2017 article from The Atlantic offered several wrenching examples of female bosses who exploded over minor infractions, or created cutthroat work environments in which they routinely backstabbed their female direct reports, or thrusted unrealistic expectations upon female employees that not even the most exceptionally talented worker could meet.  And in many instances, other women witnessed this behavior and turned away, out of fear of getting on the horrible boss’ bad side.

Though Queen Bees’ behavior is inexcusable, there are some key drivers behind their actions.  Women who’ve worked their way up in male-dominated companies often have to adopt very aggressive leadership styles to prove themselves.  They assume that relying on their emotional intelligence or being friendly will make them look weak, and weakness could indicate that they aren’t ready for the C-suite.

Additionally, many women in power worry that there’s only room for one woman at the top, and all other women are a threat to their own power and progress.  On one hand, this is a legit concern – only 30 women currently head S&P 500 companies (that’s just 6% of all S&P 500 CEOs).  But their approach to the problem is all wrong, and it can have wide-ranging, detrimental impacts.

The effects of Queen Bees’ behavior on other women

When Queen Bees rule the workplace, female employees with dissenting opinions get shut down constantly, and this leads to feeling like they’re unable to contribute to the team’s or organization’s success.  Office politics, already a negative aspect of professional life, turn toxic.  Morale drops, and female employees feel less overall happiness and less confidence in their abilities.  This leads to high turnover, which can be expensive and destabilizing for an employer.  In essence, the kind of workplace drama we love to watch on television becomes our reality.  As a one-hour show, it’s entertaining; as our everyday experience, it can be extremely damaging.

Why women should uplift other women

If women don’t uplift other women, who else will?  Women are still fighting for parity in the workplace, in terms of pay, positions, and worker rights (e.g., parental leave).  If we don’t champion each other, then who’s on our side?  The fight for gender equality is already an uphill battle, and it becomes that much harder when those who should lift you up decide to drag you down instead.

What Queen Bees fail to realize is that the progress of one woman is progress for all women.  Celebrating another woman’s success, mentoring her, or promoting her has a far-reaching effect on women in the organization and women throughout the entire workforce.  All it takes is energy and belief, and it costs you nothing.  Furthermore, lifting other women up brings out the best in us, and their success becomes our success, because we show how well we can inspire and develop others.  

By lifting other women, we can play our part in creating a more equitable workplace for ourselves and all the other women around us.

How do we this?  First, we need to call each other up instead of calling other women out.  This means we need to recognize one another’s contributions instead of downplaying or discounting them, and when we see other women being bullied, we need to step up and say something.

Additionally, there are 5 other simple steps all women can take to counteract the effects of Queen Bee Syndrome, lift others up, and show GRACE:

• Give opportunities to others – Assign the big projects to the women on your team.  These assignments should have an impact on the entire organization and give them a chance to show off their skills.
• Reward them – Make sure the women in your professional orbit know they’re appreciated.  There’s no shortage of ways to recognize them – kind emails, incentives and perks, public announcements.  What’s important is that you express gratitude for their talent and contribution.
• Accept their flaws – Your employees might make mistakes, but holding them accountable doesn’t have to mean berating or belittling them.  Use these opportunities to coach them and promote growth.
• Contribute in a meaningful way – You may have power, but that doesn’t mean you have to wield it in such a way that other women fear you.  Contribute to your team’s careers by using your power to promote them, not suppress them.
• Empathize – Remember what it was like to walk in their shoes and think about what you needed at that stage to develop and excel.  Now, give the women on your team that same encouragement.

Conclusion

I’ll admit – I’ve struggled to find women in the workplace who’ve wanted to help me succeed.  More times than I can count, my biggest career roadblocks have been other women with more power than me, as I described earlier.  But luckily, I’ve found invaluable support elsewhere, in my executive coach Cindy Weingartner and my current boss, Maria Elena.

They’ve supported my professional development by empowering me and keeping me focused on the day-to-day activities that can advance my long-term goals.  They’ve shown me that actions speak louder than words.  And I’ve paid it forward by helping the high-performing women on my team, by assigning them highly visible and challenging projects where they can shine and prove their value.

Professional women all over the world have been bullied and held back by insecure, vindictive Queen Bees, but it doesn’t have to be this way.  When women lift up other women, we all take a step forward, toward a kinder and more equitable world.